The weeks and months after having a baby can bring feelings you never expected. Alongside love or moments of happiness, you might feel overwhelmed, anxious, empty or disconnected. Having these feelings does not mean you are ungrateful or that you do not love your baby.
Postpartum depression, also called postnatal depression, is a treatable mental health condition. It can affect first-time parents and those who have had children before. It has several contributing factors, including biological changes, stress and personal circumstances. It is not caused by a lack of effort, faith or love.
If you think you may be experiencing postpartum depression, speak with your GP, midwife or maternal and child health nurse. You do not need to wait until you feel unable to cope. Treatment may include talking therapies, medication or a combination of approaches, tailored to your needs.
This article shares 15 ways to find support and care for yourself alongside professional treatment. Everyday habits and practical help can support recovery, but they do not replace assessment or treatment. Herbs, essential oils and supplements should not be presented as proven cures.
As a mum, I want this page to offer encouragement without adding another list of expectations. You deserve care, even when getting through the day feels difficult. Recovery is possible, and you do not have to manage this alone.
This article provides general information and is not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
Signs of Postpartum Depression
Postpartum depression can affect how you feel, think and manage everyday life. You may experience some of these symptoms without experiencing all of them:
- Persistent sadness, emptiness or hopelessness.
- Losing interest or enjoyment in things you usually like.
- Feeling worthless, guilty or like you are failing as a parent.
- Feeling unusually irritable, angry, anxious or restless.
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering things or making decisions.
- Changes in appetite.
- Difficulty sleeping even when you have the opportunity, or sleeping much more than usual.
- Ongoing exhaustion that goes beyond ordinary tiredness.
- Withdrawing from family, friends or other support.
- Difficulty feeling connected to your baby.
- Thoughts about death, suicide or harming yourself or your baby.
You can love your baby and still have postpartum depression. Difficulty bonding is a symptom some parents experience, not a measure of their love or ability to care.
How Is It Different from the Baby Blues?
The baby blues can involve tearfulness, worry and mood changes during the first days after birth. These feelings usually improve within two weeks.
Postpartum depression is more severe or persistent and can interfere with daily life. It may begin during pregnancy or develop after birth.
Speak with a healthcare professional if symptoms last longer than two weeks, are getting worse or make daily life difficult. If symptoms are severe, seek help sooner—you do not need to wait.
When to Get Urgent Help
If you have thoughts of suicide or harming yourself or your baby, seek urgent professional help. If you might act on those thoughts or cannot keep yourself or your baby safe, contact local emergency services or go to the nearest emergency department. Ask a trusted adult to stay with you and help care for your baby.
Hallucinations, unusual beliefs, severe confusion or an unusually high or agitated mood can be signs of postpartum psychosis. This is a medical emergency and needs immediate assessment.
Unwanted, frightening thoughts do not automatically mean you want to act on them. Tell a healthcare professional about them so you can receive appropriate support.
Source: NIMH’s guidance on perinatal depression, baby blues and postpartum psychosis.
1. Speak with a Healthcare Professional
If you think you may have postpartum depression, make an appointment with your GP, midwife or maternal and child health nurse. You do not need to be certain of the diagnosis before asking for help.
You could start by saying: “Since having my baby, I haven’t been feeling like myself, and I’m worried about my mental health.”
Explain how you have been feeling, when it started and how it affects your sleep, appetite, relationships and everyday life. Mention any frightening thoughts, even if they feel difficult to talk about. You can write things down beforehand or bring someone you trust.
A healthcare professional can assess your symptoms, consider other possible contributors and discuss treatment. Talking therapies, medication or a combination may help. Your preferences, previous treatment experiences and feeding circumstances should be part of that conversation.
Asking for care is a step towards recovery. You deserve to be listened to and supported.
Source: COPE — Postnatal Depression
2. Tell Someone You Trust How You Are Feeling
Talking about postpartum depression can feel difficult, especially when you think others expect you to be happy. Choose someone who listens kindly, such as your partner, a friend, a relative or another trusted person.
You do not need to explain everything perfectly. Try saying: “I’m finding things harder than I expected. I need someone to listen and help me get support.”
Be specific about what would help. You might want company, someone to attend an appointment with you or a regular check-in. If talking feels overwhelming, sending a message can be a starting point.
If the first person dismisses your feelings, reach out to someone else or speak directly with a healthcare professional. Their response does not determine whether your feelings matter.
Support from people close to you can help you feel less alone, alongside professional care.
Source: NHS — Postnatal Depression
3. Ask for Practical Help with Everyday Tasks
When you are experiencing postpartum depression, ordinary tasks can feel exhausting. Practical support can reduce some of the pressure and make space for rest and treatment.
When someone offers to help, give them a specific task. For example:
- “Could you bring dinner on Wednesday?”
- “Can you look after the baby while I rest?”
- “Could you take the older children to school?”
- “Would you help me with the washing or groceries?”
Your partner or another trusted adult can take responsibility for regular tasks, so you do not have to organise every detail yourself.
If family and friends are unavailable, tell your healthcare professional that you need practical support. They may be able to connect you with local services.
You do not need to finish the housework before you deserve a break. Accepting help is part of caring for yourself and your family.
Source: NHS — Postnatal Depression
4. Make a Plan for Rest and Sleep Support
Broken nights can make coping more difficult. Although sleep alone is not a treatment for postpartum depression, getting support with rest is an important part of looking after yourself.
Talk with your partner or another trusted adult about sharing overnight care and creating opportunities for uninterrupted sleep. Depending on your feeding arrangements, they could handle nappy changes, settling or early-morning care.
If possible, use some of that support to rest during the day. You do not have to sleep every time your baby sleeps, and being unable to nap is not another thing you are doing wrong.
Tell your healthcare professional if you cannot sleep even when someone else is caring for your baby. Sleep difficulties deserve attention as part of your treatment.
If you have very little sleep alongside unusual energy, racing thoughts, confusion or unusual beliefs, seek urgent medical assessment.
Source: NIMH — Perinatal Depression
5. Make Eating Regularly a Little Easier
When your mood is low, planning meals, shopping and cooking can feel like too much. Aim for manageable meals and snacks rather than a perfect diet.
Keep easy options available, such as toast with eggs, yoghurt, fruit, soup or a sandwich. Ready-made meals and frozen vegetables can make feeding yourself simpler. Ask someone to bring food, prepare a few portions or sit with you while you eat.
Food supports your general health, but no particular food or diet is a proven cure for postpartum depression. You deserve treatment as well as nourishment.
Tell your healthcare professional if you are regularly unable to eat, your appetite has changed significantly or you are worried about your nutrition. They can assess what support you need, including whether any testing or supplements are appropriate.
Source: NHS — Postnatal Depression
6. Try Gentle Movement When You Feel Able
Gentle physical activity can support your wellbeing alongside treatment for postpartum depression. It does not need to mean a workout or a daily target.
You might try a short walk, a few comfortable stretches or moving around the garden. Start with what feels manageable for your energy and recovery. After a caesarean or a complicated birth, ask your healthcare professional about suitable activities.
If company would help, invite someone to walk with you. They could push the pram or simply keep you company.
Movement is an option for support, not a test of your commitment to getting better. On difficult days, resting or attending an appointment may be what you need most.
Exercise does not replace psychological therapy or medication when these are recommended.
Source: NHS — Treatment for Postnatal Depression
7. Find Connection with Other Parents
Connecting with other parents can offer companionship and a place to talk honestly about life after birth. You might prefer a small local group, a supported playgroup or an online community.
Ask your maternal and child health nurse or healthcare professional about groups that welcome parents experiencing postnatal mental health difficulties. A facilitated peer-support group may feel more comfortable than a general social gathering.
You do not have to share your story straight away. Listening, joining briefly or speaking with one person can be enough to begin.
Choose spaces where you feel supported rather than judged or pressured to compare yourself with others. If a group makes you feel worse, it is okay to try a different one.
Peer support can sit alongside professional treatment, but it does not replace it.
Source: NHS — Treatment for Postnatal Depression
8. Get Feeding Support Without Pressure
Feeding difficulties can add to an already demanding time. If breastfeeding is painful, expressing feels overwhelming or you are worried about formula feeding, tell your midwife, child health nurse or another healthcare professional.
Ask for help with both your baby’s feeding needs and your wellbeing. Your feeding plan can take account of your recovery, treatment and circumstances.
Breastfeeding is not a treatment for postpartum depression, and how you feed your baby does not measure your worth as a parent.
If medication is recommended, discuss feeding with your prescriber. Some antidepressants can be used while breastfeeding. Your clinician can explain the options for your situation; do not stop prescribed medication without advice.
Source: COPE — Postnatal Depression
9. Make Space for Small Moments of Comfort
A warm shower, a favourite song or a few quiet minutes outside may offer a small moment of comfort. Choose something that feels manageable, rather than adding another task to your day.
You may not enjoy familiar activities as much as you used to. Loss of interest can be part of depression, and it does not mean you are failing at self-care. Mention this to your healthcare professional.
Ask someone to care for your baby while you have a little time to yourself. You do not need to use that time productively.
Small comforts can support you through a difficult day, but they are not a substitute for treatment. You deserve help even when these activities do not lift your mood.
Source: NHS — Treatment for Postnatal Depression
10. Lower Everyday Expectations
Looking after a baby while experiencing depression can make even small tasks feel demanding. For now, focus on essentials and let other things wait or be shared.
That might mean simpler meals, fewer visitors or asking another adult to take responsibility for household jobs. Explain what you need: “I don’t have the energy to host today, but bringing a meal would really help.”
Try to notice when you are measuring yourself against an unrealistic picture of parenthood. A difficult day, an untidy home or needing support does not make you a bad parent.
If guilt and self-critical thoughts feel persistent, discuss them in treatment. Talking therapies can help you explore these thoughts and develop more supportive ways of responding.
Source: NHS — Treatment for Postnatal Depression
11. Explore Talking Therapies
Talking with a trained mental health professional offers something different from a conversation with a friend. Psychological therapy provides structured support for understanding symptoms, managing difficulties and working towards recovery.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) are recommended approaches for perinatal depression. CBT can help with unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaviour. IPT focuses on relationships, support and changes in life roles.
Ask your healthcare professional about suitable services, appointment formats and costs. If attending in person is difficult, ask whether telephone or video appointments are available.
You can explain what feels comfortable and what you hope to work on. Treatment should take account of your needs, preferences and circumstances.
Source: COPE — Perinatal Mental Health Guideline: Summary for General Practitioners
12. Discuss Medication Without Shame
Medication is one treatment option for postpartum depression. It may be recommended on its own or alongside psychological therapy, depending on your symptoms, history and preferences.
Taking medication is not a failure, and you do not need to reach a crisis before discussing it.
Ask your prescriber what benefits to expect, how long improvement may take, possible side effects and when you should have a follow-up appointment. Mention breastfeeding, other medicines and any supplements you use.
Tell your clinician if you have ever experienced unusually high energy, needed very little sleep or been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, as this can affect treatment choices.
Do not stop or change prescribed medication on your own. Contact your prescriber about side effects, worsening symptoms or concerns so they can help adjust your care.
Source: NIMH — Perinatal Depression
13. Ask Before Taking Herbs or Supplements
Products described as “natural” can still cause side effects or interact with medicines. Their suitability can also change during breastfeeding.
Saffron, fennel, essential oils and vitamin supplements should not be presented as proven cures for postpartum depression. Evidence from general depression research does not automatically establish that a product is effective or safe after childbirth.
Before using a supplement or herbal product, show your doctor or pharmacist its ingredients and proposed dose. Do not replace prescribed treatment with it.
If you have a diagnosed nutrient deficiency, your healthcare professional can recommend appropriate treatment. Correcting a deficiency supports your health, but it is different from treating postpartum depression itself.
Sources: CANMAT — Clinical Guideline for Perinatal Mood, Anxiety and Related Disorders and NCCIH — Depression and Complementary Health Approaches
14. Let Connection with Your Baby Develop Gently
Some parents feel connected to their baby immediately; others need more time. Postpartum depression can make closeness or enjoyment difficult.
Difficulty bonding is a reason to seek support, not a reason to blame yourself.
Try small, manageable moments together, such as talking during a nappy change, sitting nearby while your baby looks around or sharing a quiet cuddle. There is no need to manufacture a special feeling or make every interaction meaningful.
Let another trusted adult help with care when you need rest or treatment. Tell your healthcare professional if feeling disconnected is distressing or affecting daily care. They can help you access support for both your mental health and your relationship with your baby.
Source: COPE — Postnatal Depression
15. Stay Connected with Your Treatment and Support
Recovery can take time, and your needs may change along the way. Keep follow-up appointments and tell your healthcare professional what is improving, what remains difficult and whether you are experiencing side effects.
If arranging appointments feels overwhelming, ask someone you trust to help with bookings, transport or childcare.
If your current care is not helping, ask for a review. Your clinician may recommend adjusting treatment or involving a specialist perinatal mental health service.
Make a simple plan for difficult days: who you can contact, who can help with your baby and where to seek urgent care. If symptoms worsen or safety becomes a concern, seek help promptly rather than waiting for your next appointment.
Source: NIMH — Perinatal Depression
You Deserve Support, Too
Postpartum depression can make you feel alone, but effective treatment and support are available. You do not have to prove that things are “bad enough” before asking for care.
Start with one manageable step: tell someone how you feel, book an appointment or ask for help getting there. You do not need to put all 15 suggestions into practice.
Needing treatment does not make you a less loving parent. Your wellbeing matters in its own right.
If you recognise yourself in this article, speak with your GP, midwife or maternal and child health nurse. If you have already started treatment, keep sharing honestly about how you are doing so your care can respond to your needs.
Source: COPE — Postnatal Depression
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